<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Operation: Memento Mori by Hikaru Yuy (hikaruyuy)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29017617">Operation: Memento Mori</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikaruyuy/pseuds/Hikaru%20Yuy'>Hikaru Yuy (hikaruyuy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gundam Wing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Tearjerker, Wakes &amp; Funerals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:27:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,386</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29017617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikaruyuy/pseuds/Hikaru%20Yuy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything comes to a screeching halt in Relena and Duo's lives when an unexpected death turns every single thing in their lives upside down. How do you learn to live without a loved one? How does someone navigate their shared life when the person they shared it with is gone? How can you make it hurt less? Will it ever hurt less?</p>
<p>The year is After Colony 236.</p>
<p>An alternate universe/spin-off to the Operation: Parenting series exploring what would happen if a certain major character suddenly dropped dead, and the aftermath of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Duo Maxwell/Original Female Character(s), Duo Maxwell/Relena Peacecraft/Heero Yuy, Lucrezia Noin/Sally Po, Zechs Merquise/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Operation: Memento Mori</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is one of those stories where I needed to write it.</p>
<p>What if I killed off my absolute favourite character? Why should he be immune to the whole "kill your darlings" author thought process of how, if you absolutely love a character, you should kill them off?</p>
<p>Though this is an AU spin-off to Operation: Parenting, you don't necessarily need knowledge of that series in order to read this one. Some knowledge will probably be helpful and bring better insight, but this can absolutely be read as a standalone.</p>
<p>Bring tissues, I cried so many times writing this.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>everything was completely fine when Relena first woke up.</p><p>suddenly it wasn't.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> 7 October, AC 236 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 10:06 PM </em>
</p><p>"Millie was wondering if she should postpone the apple picking until you're completely better," Relena said, as she readied herself for bed.</p><p>"What did you tell her?"</p><p>"I told her you would have to see, but that she could reschedule it if that's what she felt was best."</p><p>Heero sighed.</p><p>"I haven't seen them for what, a fortnight almost?" Heero didn't look up from his tablet. "I'm feeling better than I was, and the doctor said I'm flu free."</p><p>Relena gave him a look as she folded the hand towel she’d just used for her nightly skincare routine. "You were nearly on your deathbed, Heero."</p><p>"A little cough isn't going to kill me, <em> omae </em>." His voice softened at the term of endearment.</p><p>Relena's shoulders relaxed, just a little, at the pet name. She frowned when she pulled out another silver strand from the water glass she cleaned her hair brush in.</p><p>“Look at this, you’ve given me grey hairs.”</p><p>He glanced up from his tablet to give her a look. "Relena..."</p><p>"You had us concerned," Relena continued, discarding the hairs. "We thought we'd have to take you to hospital if we couldn't get your fever down. And if they couldn't get it down, then--"</p><p>"But you didn't," Heero insisted, placing the tablet on his lap so he could give Relena his full attention. "I know I worried you and Duo and I'm sorry for that. But I've never missed a fall festival with Millie and the grandkids, and I'm not going to do that now. Illness won't be the death of me." He gave her a hint of a smile.</p><p>Relena placed the brush down on her vanity and turned on her stool to look at him.</p><p>"Do you think I'm overreacting?" She brushed through a lock of hair with her hands, a nervous habit she had picked up after Odin and Helena tied the knot. "Be honest."</p><p>Heero beckoned her over to the bed, and she slipped under the covers next to him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.</p><p>"Maybe," he said, kissing her hair. "But I'd rather you fret over me than not give a shit at all."</p><p>Relena fell into his arms easily, her head on his chest as she entwined her fingers with his. He turned away to cough before resting his chin on top of her head.</p><p>"Heero."</p><p>"Mm?"</p><p>Her voice wavered, just a little, as she whispered, "Duo was prepared to do Last Rites at one point."</p><p>Heero let out a breathy sort of chuckle that turned into another cough.</p><p>"Does he even know how?"</p><p>Relena shrugged. "A priest raised him, and he has a minister for a father-in-law, I'm sure he would figure it out."</p><p>"Except I think Last Rites are strictly a Catholic thing." Heero's brow furrowed in contemplation. "Aren't they?"</p><p>Relena shrugged again. "I'm not entirely sure. But you don't believe in anything, so I'm not sure what him doing Last Rites would even do."</p><p>"Bring him some kind of peace," Heero said. "That's mostly what things like that are for."</p><p>“If you’re no longer here, absolutely nothing will bring me peace,” Relena said, as she drew patterns in his sleep shirt.</p><p>“Don’t start a war when I die, Relena.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have it in me,” she said, her voice heavy with sleepiness. “I’d be too busy trying to jump into the grave with you.”</p><p>“Don’t do that, Duo would have to jump in and pull you out and grave plots aren’t shallow.”</p><p>She kissed him. “Write me a book on how to go on without you.”</p><p>“The same way you did with me, with one foot in front of the other.” He kissed her hair before whispering, “I love you.”</p><p>“And I love you,” she answered. “But consider my words carefully, I will know no peace with you gone.”</p><p>“Noted. Make sure you let Duo know too.”</p><p>She listened to his heartbeat and his breathing before drifting off to sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Skeletal hands grabbed Relena and pulled her underwater. She couldn’t escape no matter how hard she thrashed, couldn’t cry out for fear of water rushing into her lungs; when she finally braved it no sound came out, just bubbles that held her cries and pleas for someone to pull her out. Her lungs burned and her chest felt like it was gripped in some kind of vice and they pulled her deeper and deeper… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He will sink you and shatter you, voices from beyond the deep chanted. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sink you and shatter you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sink you and shatter you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sink and shatter </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Till there’s nothing </em>
</p><p>
  <em> left. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>8 October AC 236</em>
</p><p>
  <em> 07:30 AM </em>
</p><p>Relena awoke to her husband leaning over her, concern written on his features in the dim light of their bedside lamp. The sheets were twisted around her legs and they felt heavy, soaked with her sweat and covered by the duvet.</p><p>“Heero…” She reached for his face, tracing his cheeks with her thumbs. He felt real, and his pulse thrummed underneath her fingertips as she rested her hands on his shoulders.</p><p>“Nightmare?”</p><p>She nodded. “I felt like I was drowning.” She shifted so she could sit up on her elbows, and Heero moved to give her room. Sitting up fully now, she shivered in the early morning chill, the sheets pooling on her lap.</p><p>“Sounds like an anxiety dream to me,” he said, draping one of the throw blankets from the foot of their bed over her bare shoulders. “Is there something you’d like to talk about? Something bothering you?”</p><p>Relena shook her head. “No, not really.”</p><p>Heero gestured to the book on her bedside table. “Maybe that has something to do with your dream?”</p><p>Relena shrugged. “Who’s to say?” She looked at him. “Maybe it’s because of your recent illness, or the fact that Mara’s having a difficult postpartum with Teagan…” She took a deep breath and slowly released it.</p><p>“Maybe after breakfast you can video chat with her, see how she’s doing,” Heero suggested. “She’ll be happy to see you.”</p><p>“You won’t be there with me?”</p><p>Heero shook his head. “I need to see Millie and check in on Devin. She texted me saying he’s having a hard time with things and she doesn’t know how to help.”</p><p>Relena nodded absently, still preoccupied with her dream.</p><p>“I think it’ll do you some good to get out of the house,” she said. “You’ve been cooped up in here for the longest time, fresh air will do you some good.”</p><p>Heero pushed a stray hair out of her face and behind her ear before kissing her forehead.</p><p>“For now I think you should try to sleep a little more. I’ll shower, maybe eat something quick, and then head out to Mil-Lil’s for a while.”</p><p>Relena repositioned her pillow. “Do I really look that exhausted?”</p><p>Heero gave her a small smile. “I know what toll nightmares can take on someone. Besides, it’s early still, and you don’t have anywhere to be today, so you can relax if you want.”</p><p>She slipped back underneath the covers.</p><p>“Kiss me before you go?”</p><p>Heero kissed her, his mouth soft against hers. They held on to this moment for as long as they could, the seconds stretching out until Heero gently pulled away.</p><p>“I love you,” he said, as he smoothed her hair back. She smiled at him.</p><p>“And I you.”</p><p>Heero left the bed and headed for the en-suite; Relena’s eyes slipped closed and she fell into a dreamless slumber.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Morning? Daytime </em>
</p><p>Relena wished this was a nightmare, but she was awake. Or maybe she wasn’t. Everything had a dream-like quality to it, that hazy sort of fog look and feel. Maybe if she acknowledged that this was all just a dream, she could make herself a lucid dreamer, and take complete control of the scene before her. She could will the scene before her to right itself, for her husband to pick himself up off the floor with a chuckle and explain what happened. That he tripped and fell, or that he fell asleep standing up and ended up on the floor. Maybe he wanted to actually nap on the floor, like Ceres did all the time as a toddler, using the coffee table as a canopy.</p><p>The scream that ripped from her throat was primal. Some might describe it as a literal <em> bean sidhe </em> wail, others would say it was the literal definition of ‘keening’. Whatever noise it was, it left her raw, cut her wide open to the point where she thought her insides might spill out onto the floor.</p><p><em> What do I do? </em> The panic didn’t creep into her mind, silent and careful. It came crashing through the wall, setting off all the alarms and stilling any sort of rational thought. It was the obstacle on the train track that couldn’t be avoided, and the train slammed right through it, sending bits and pieces everywhere, piercing synapses; the train itself derailed and slid out of control, coming to a crashing halt miles away from where it should’ve been.</p><p>Ignoring the basket of laundry she dropped when her hands decided everything was too heavy for her to hold, she approached her husband on the floor, slumped against the side of the couch. She reached out to touch him, but stopped short, afraid. Relena knew what a dead body looked like, she experienced that with her mother not too long ago, and her father decades before. But this wasn’t just any body taking up real estate in the living room. This was her husband.</p><p>Relena fled the house in bare feet, leaving the front door wide open. It was raining, and she didn’t care that she was getting soaked, nor did she have any sort of destination in mind as she ran and ran for what felt like hours and miles, but was only five minutes and a short distance from her home. She tried the front door but when it didn’t yield to her hand, she banged on the glass pane of it, not remembering in that moment that there was the spare key hidden in the tiniest of niches she could have used.</p><p>It was Duo who opened the front door, who saw his partner’s wife completely inconsolable at his doorstep. She wasn’t making any sense, almost babbling away in a language he didn’t understand, and he wasn’t sure she could either. She pointed to her house, unable to articulate what waited inside, and seemingly frustrated with herself, she grabbed Duo by the wrist and pulled him along after her. He didn’t try to resist.</p>
<hr/><p>Duo surveyed the scene before him as he held his partner’s sobbing wife tight in his arms. Paramedics moved whatever they could out of their way as they lay Heero out in the centre of the rug, a rug they would need to discard at some point; he doubted Relena would ever want to look at it again, let alone enter that room again, the last place her husband was alive. One performed CPR as another prepped the AED. Police were making sure that there were no signs of foul play or worse, as well as setting up a perimeter so that curious onlookers kept their distance.</p><p>“He was fine this morning,” Relena said. “He was--he was fine. How--how did this happen?”</p><p>Duo didn’t know what to say, or if there even was anything to say. He chewed his lower lip and stroked Relena’s hair, unable to promise her that things would be okay, because even Duo knew that they wouldn’t be.</p><p>“Still no breath sounds or pulse,” the EMT said.</p><p>“Oh god.” Relena’s legs gave out, and Duo caught her. She latched onto him, the only anchor that could keep her from blowing away in the tempest of her emotions.</p><p>They both fell to their knees onto the hardwood floor of the foyer, unable to do anything to save the man they loved the most.</p><p>“Preventer Agent Chang will be here shortly,” one of the officers said to him. “Since your husband was a Preventer, there is protocol that needs to be gone through in regards to arrangements, I’m assuming.”</p><p>“Not ‘was’,” Relena said, voice muffled by Duo’s shoulder. “Is. My husband <em> is </em> a Preventer.”</p><p>The cop didn’t even attempt to look sympathetic. “My apologies, Minister Darlian.”</p><p>“It’s <em> Yuy </em>!” she spat. “Not Darlian, not Peacecraft. Yuy.”</p><p>“And she’s the former minister,” Duo added, his voice barely heard above Relena screaming into his shoulder. In grief, in frustration, he couldn’t tell. More likely, it was everything all at once.</p><p>“We’re taking him to the hospital,” one of the EMTs said.</p><p>“Did you bring him back?” Duo asked, trying to find that silver lining.</p><p>The EMT shook his head. Duo frowned but was unsurprised.</p><p>“Didn’t think so either.”</p><p>As they brought the gurney out the front door, Officer Michael van Schaick approached.</p><p>“We’d be more than happy to drive you to the hospital, since I don’t think either of you are in the state to drive.”</p><p>Duo nodded. “If you hear from Chang, tell him to meet us at Bon Secours, if that ain’t where he already is.”</p><p>Between Duo and Officer van Schaick, Relena wasn’t able to see the crowd of people gathered along their street, trying to get a glimpse of the body underneath the white sheet and the newly minted widow trailing behind.</p><p><em> I hate feeling helpless </em> , Duo thought, ushering Relena into the car as Mike got in the driver side. <em> If anyone can pull through, it’s Heero. </em> He clung to some kind of hope, however small, that Heero would come back to them. He’d done it before, beat all the odds, so why not this time as well?</p><p><em> Come back to us, babes. Relena needs you. </em> <b> <em>I</em> </b> <em> need you. Your kids and grandkids need you. </em></p>
<hr/><p>On the way to the hospital, in the back of Mike’s patrol car, Duo called his wife to tell her.</p><p>“You’re joking,” Thalia said. “Please tell me you’re joking.”</p><p>“You know damn well I’m not. Your best friend needs you, meet us at Bon.”</p><p>Relena sat next to him, her eyes burning holes into the passenger seat headrest. Duo knew she wasn’t okay and couldn’t blame her. She found him, after all. She found him and couldn’t save him.</p><p>“I should’ve insisted he stay home, or that we should’ve gone together.” Relena’s voice was soft, strained. “He overexerted himself. I should’ve kept him in bed with me.”</p><p>“You know damn well he wouldn’t’ve listened,” Duo added, pocketing his mobile. “He’s as stubborn as they come, always has, always will.”</p><p>Relena looked at him. “Duo?”</p><p>His eyes met hers. “Yeah, babes?”</p><p>“How do I make it stop hurting?”</p><p>The question caught him off guard, took his breath away. Duo grabbed her hand and squeezed it.</p><p>“You can’t, Relena.”</p><p>“Can I just cut my heart out and leave it somewhere? Because that’s what hurts the most.”</p><p>“I mean, you physically <em> could </em>.” He was trying to lighten the mood, but he knew damn well nothing could. “But that pain would hurt more than the pain in your heart.”</p><p>“If I make something else hurt more, then the original pain doesn’t hurt at all. Like lemon juice in an open wound.”</p><p>“And you know damn well ‘Ro wouldn’t want you to do that. It’s okay for you to embrace the pain and stay there a while, ‘Lena. It hurts and it sucks, but you know what’ll make it hurt more?”</p><p>Blank stare. She was practically looking through him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Trying to drown it.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> "I think Relena will handle it well," Heero said, before exhaling a lungful of smoke. "She would grieve, don't get me wrong, but she would do it in private, away from everyone else, at least at first. Once the initial outbursts of grief are over, she'll seek out support, probably from you and Thalia." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I dunno, ‘Ro," Duo said. "She's your wife. You mean everything to her." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Heero smiled a little at that. "I know. But she nearly lost me a few times, Duo. She's prepared to lose me eventually." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Duo shook his head. "Being prepared... No matter how 'prepared' you are for death, it still hurts." He lit another cigarette. "I see it all the time. You got a family coming in, they tell you that their loved one had some illness, they've been planning this all for months, maybe even years if they're elderly..." He took a long drag. "But then, when they actually kick it... They're still overwhelmed with grief. They still have no idea what the fuck to do. All the reactions they thought they'd have? Out the window." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You think I'm wrong about how Relena would react?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Maybe." Duo let the smoke filter out of his mouth. "What I'm saying is...no one knows until it happens." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Heero contemplated the moon for a moment or two before saying, "I think you'll take it the hardest." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Duo chuckled. "Me, the God of Death turned mortician, who's seen everyone he's ever loved die?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Heero nodded. "Relena told me after the Cambodia incident, while I was still laid up and comatose, not only were you praying, when you weren't, you were at my bedside, threatening to kick my ass if I left you." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Idiot," Duo muttered. "I loved you then. I love you even more now. We fucking adopted a dog together for God's sake, raised our kids together." Duo touched the ring in front of his wedding band. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Would it be easier if I died first?" Heero asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "No." Duo stretched out his legs. "Let's face it, 'Ro. I'll be the one kicking it first. Probably after some really long, drawn out illness where I don't even know who I am. Gimme a Viking funeral, I don't need no fancy shit." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "With your luck, I'll be going before you." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Duo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Yeah. Yeah probably." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Duo looked at Heero then before grabbing his hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I don't know how I'll react to you leaving me." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You'll threaten to bring me back from the dead just to kill me yourself," Heero said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Probably." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, and then I’ll bring you back a second time just so I can have you stay with me. With us.” </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Duo closed his eyes as he felt the numbness wash over him like a tidal wave. He expected to feel angry. He expected to feel irate. Hell, he expected to feel betrayed--the gall Heero had, leaving him like this--but what he didn't expect was how suffocating everything felt. How each breath was practically a gasp for more air. He punched the waiting room wall, impatiently waiting for the doctor to finish her talk with Relena about the hows and whys her husband was no longer with them. He punched it again, and again, and again, one for each loss in his life that meant something to him. </p><p>Father. <em> Smack. </em> </p><p>Sister. <em> Smack. </em> </p><p>Solo. <em> Thud. </em> </p><p>His hand throbbed but he couldn't stop, his fist moving of its own accord and he did nothing to stop it.</p><p>Heero. <em> Crack. </em></p><p>It was a cadence filled with loss, of grief he couldn’t really ever express.</p><p>Two men who named him. A woman who raised him, loved him. A man who gave him purpose, love, <em> family </em>. Each one hurt, but some hurt more, and the one that was fresh hurt more than three did combined.</p><p>Heero. <em> Smack. </em> Heero. <em> Thump. </em> HeeroHeero <em> Heero </em>.</p><p>Using the wall as support, Duo fell to his knees, his bloodied fist and knuckles still against the wall as the suffocating feeling spread and he practically choked on the sob that came out. Duo Maxwell wasn't the kind of guy to break down and cry. Sure he cried, when happy and sad and also angry as all hell (though he yelled a lot to mask it). But this was <em> Heero </em>. They survived a war conflict, an uprising, several revolts, and quite a few near death experiences together. Duo got married and Heero followed him not long after; Thalia and Relena had close pregnancies. They fought with as much passion as they fucked and they loved even more intense than that. Duo helped Heero piece his life together and deal with life’s ups and downs.</p><p>What was he supposed to do now? Heero was gone. Not like the time Heero had walked out on him when they were young and stupid and full of feelings neither of them quite understood, because Heero came back to him. Heero always came back to him. But not this time. Duo sat on the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest, covered his face with his hands, and let out a yell that probably alarmed the staff and those out in the waiting area, but Duo didn't care. He lost his partner today, his best friend, his lover, his... Heero was his literal Partner in Life.</p><p>And now he was his Partner in Death.</p><p>The door opened and the doctor, the daughter of Helen and Mike von Schaick, gently ushered Relena out. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks tearstained, the tissue in her hands unused.</p><p>"Mr Maxwell."</p><p>Duo didn't try to get up off the floor. If he was honest, which he was most times, he didn't have the energy to try. He didn't have the energy to care that his ass was numb and sore from hitting the linoleum floor, or that his hand was possibly broken from punching the drywall.</p><p>"Duo." It was Relena's voice that made him look up, and when he blinked he realised he too was crying. "Elena is going to take us to see him." She bent down and offered her arm. "You want to see him, don't you?" Her voice was soothing to him, and Duo found it fucked up that Relena was the one being a balm to him when it was <em> her </em> husband who died. Duo nodded, before taking her arm and pulling himself up.</p><p>Down two hallways, Elena stopped in front of a door, her hand on the door handle. There was a window that gave a glimpse inside, and from Duo's vantage point, all he could see were machines designed to keep someone alive.</p><p>"You can stay with him as long as you like," Elena said. "Let one of the nurses know when you're ready to leave, so we can make further arrangements on our end. I know this might sound a little inconsiderate, but did you have a funeral home in mind, or any arrangements already made?"</p><p>"Yes," Relena said, and Duo knew it was a lie, because it wasn’t like anyone planned for Heero suddenly dropping dead at age 56. "I'm sure they will be in touch."</p><p>Elena nodded, before turning the door handle. "He's inside. As I said, you two can stay as long as you like, and if you need to make any phone calls, please feel free to do so. If you need anything, don’t be afraid to ask."</p><p>There, on the hospital bed, covered with a white hospital issue bed sheet up to his torso, was his Partner. The strongest man he'd ever known, the toughest bastard in the Earth Sphere, the guy who told Death "not today" so many times... Relena took a shuddery breath before stepping into the room and taking the empty seat to his left, whilst Duo took the one on the opposite side.</p><p>"He looks like he's sleeping," Relena said, her voice just above a whisper. "He always looked peaceful when sleeping."</p><p>Duo smiled a little at that, as he crossed one leg over the other, his arms folded over his chest.</p><p>"You watched him sleep too, huh."</p><p>"Sometimes, when the kids were little, and I had to do night feedings before he insisted on doing them so I could rest."</p><p>Duo sat straighter in his chair, running his fingers through his fringe.</p><p>"Jesus, is this what we're gonna do now? Share fond memories and talk about him like he ain't here no more?" He sighed. “I hate how we mourn the dead by being all sad and shit.”</p><p>"It hasn't hit me yet," Relena admitted. "I feel a bit...numb now, compared to earlier. Foggy. I didn't feel like this when my father died, but then again, I didn't have much time to grieve him with everything going on at the time. And I cried when my mother passed, but I had Heero to help guide me through the grieving process." She gave a little shrug. “I’m not sure how I even should feel.”</p><p>"He's your husband, ‘Lena. It's gonna hit you real hard.” Duo emphasised the impact with his fist hitting his palm, and winced. “So so so hard."</p><p>Relena nodded. "I know. I've been to Preventer agent funerals, I've seen how the widows grieve over the caskets of their spouses. I'm sure they were in shock too when they first heard the news." Her fingers wrung at the tissue in her hands.</p><p>"He fathered your kids, he gave you a home, he gave you a partnership, and cats. He gave you so much and fucking <em> loved </em> you so much, and now--" Duo palmed the tears away. "And now my fucking eyes are leaking everywhere."</p><p>"He was your partner," Relena said. "He loved you first."</p><p>"He loved <em> you </em> first," Duo corrected. "That's what caused the fight that led to our breaking up in the first place. He loved you, and he loved me, and he fell for us hard and had no idea what to do."</p><p>Duo took Heero's hand, his thumb running over the marks left from past IVs.</p><p>"He loved us both," Relena said. "He wore two rings, yours and mine."</p><p>"I ain't taking mine back," Duo said. "That's getting buried with him."</p><p>"As will mine," she said. "I...don't know what to do about funeral arrangements--"</p><p>"I'll take care of it."</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>Duo nodded. "It's only fitting. I ain't gonna trust no one else with his body."</p><p><em> With his body </em>. Heero wasn’t considered a person anymore, just an empty, decaying body they had to figure out how to discard. As a mortician, Duo knew that it was natural to think of the deceased as just another physical, inanimate object. After all, the biological processes that made someone alive ceased functioning, and now they were considered dead. Nonliving. And if religion played a part, when the body died, the soul left and ascended to Heaven or wherever someone thought souls and spirits fucked off to. The physical body was only ever just a vessel.</p><p>Even though Duo understood the thought process, it was hard for him to wrap his head around. This wasn’t just any old body, any old deceased person. This was personal, close to home.</p><p>Relena took a deep breath.</p><p>"That's when it's going to hit, isn't it."</p><p>Duo came back to himself and shrugged. "Probably."</p><p>"Or will you go about your work as you would normally?"</p><p>Duo shook his head. "No. ‘Ro's body ain't just another body to me, Relena." Duo traced the lines of Heero's tattoo sleeve. "No matter how hard I try, I won't be able to be just an impartial mortician guy trying to make a body look good, you know?" He leaned forward. "Besides... If I do it, I know it'll turn out good.” He looked across the bed and right into her eyes.</p><p>“I don't invite family members down where, you know, I do my thing, because emotions and all that shit."</p><p>Relena nodded. "That’s understandable--"</p><p>"I ain't done. I don't want this to be the last time you see him before the wake and all that shit. You know. If you want to--you don't have to, if you think it'd be too much."</p><p>She shook her head. “I want to see what Heero looks like alive and present, even if it’s only smoke and mirrors and makeup, one last time.”</p><p>Duo nodded. “I can’t do much for you, but this I can do.”</p><p>They sat there in silence for a while, before Relena broke it.</p><p>"Do you..." Relena hesitated. "Do you think we should get the children down here? Or would that take too long?"</p><p>"To be honest, I think it's better they don't see him like this." He gestured to all of the bruising, the wires, the hospital paraphernalia. "No one wants this in their memories, you know?"</p><p>"And the funeral arrangements...?"</p><p>"I'll take care of it, give Hel a call, she should be working today, but if not I know Ezra's there." He reached over the bed and placed his hand on top of hers. "You want me to call the kids too?"</p><p>Relena chewed her bottom lip in thought. "I don't want to place everything on you."</p><p>"It's either I keep my mind occupied or I have some kind of breakdown," Duo said, with a weak attempt at a chuckle. "And honestly, I'd prefer to not have a breakdown, especially in a place where they can be like, 'Yeah that guy's lost it, let's bring him in.' But it's up to you."</p><p>"Call the children," Relena said. "I'll deal with my family, tell them the news. What about Preventers?"</p><p>"’Ro didn't want a formal funeral," Duo said. "He didn't want all that pomp bullshit. Let Wufei know and make it clear we ain't looking for their funeral expertise."</p><p>There was a knock on the door, and Thalia entered. Her hair was in a messy, clearly uncombed attempt at a bun. One of Duo’s hoodies and a pair of dark rose print leggings complete with Crocs made up her ensemble--she obviously dressed in a hurry.</p><p>“I would’ve gotten here sooner but they had the whole area blocked off.” She looked from Duo to Relena before running over and hugging her best friend.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I don’t even know what to say, but I am here for you.” She pulled away to look at Relena’s face, thumbing tears from her best friend’s eyes.</p><p>“Thank you,” Relena said. “I’m glad you made it. There’s strength in numbers.”</p><p>“Especially in grief,” Thalia agreed, before turning to Duo. “I gave our kids a head’s up, not going into much detail except with Hel.”</p><p>“Where’s she?” Duo asked.</p><p>“Out shopping with Shi and Kel for costumes; Logan’s helping Adee with something, some Lego thing.”</p><p>At the mention of “Adee”, Relena snapped back to the present.</p><p>“Does Odin know?”</p><p>“I told her to tell him. He’s probably informing people as we speak.”</p><p>Relena got up then. "I suppose we shouldn't keep everyone waiting, then. Especially since there is a process for the body..."</p><p>Duo rose to his feet. "Yeah, mostly just paperwork and release forms and shit. Nothing you gotta deal with though.”</p><p>Thalia looked at the figure on the bed.</p><p>“Would you mind if I said a prayer or something?”</p><p>Relena shook her head.</p><p>Thalia took Heero’s hand in hers, bowed her head, and closed her eyes. Her mouth moved, but no words came out, her prayer silent. She stayed like that for a few moments once she was done, and Duo noticed the tears falling.</p><p>“You were such a good man to my girl, Heero. A good husband, a good father, a good friend, and a good partner. Your absence is gonna leave a huge hole in our lives now, but I promise you, we’ll take good care of her. You don’t have to worry, okay?” She sniffled. “Because we’re all one big happy family, and that’s what we do, okay?”</p><p>Relena was the first to hug Thalia, the first to comfort her cries.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Relena,” Thalia whispered. “I’m so freakin’ sorry.”</p><p> “Do you... Do you need us to stay with you?" Duo asked. “Me and Thal, I mean.”</p><p>Relena gave him a hint of a smile. "Don't you and Thalia practically live with us already?"</p><p>"Well yeah, but... Some people need space to process shit, and..." </p><p>"As Thalia said, grieving together is better than grieving alone. Unless you'd rather not be pelted with constant reminders of him."</p><p>"Guess that means never seeing Millie, Rori, Aiden, and Odin again," Duo said. "They look like their old man. The others do too, but..."</p><p>Duo and Relena shared an awkward laugh before they both gazed at the body in the room.</p><p>"Funny how even now we chose the sides we sleep on in bed," Duo said. "You on his left and me on his right."</p><p>"He always had me on his left in case he had to protect me...so he said."</p><p>Duo sat on the hospital bed then.</p><p>"This ain't goodbye, 'Ro," Duo murmured, as he brushed a stray hair from Heero's face. "I ain't saying goodbye yet." He kissed Heero's mouth, trying to ignore the wax like consistency of his skin.</p><p>He couldn't hear what Relena told him, but judging from the sudden flood of tears, it was probably how much she loved him, or didn't want to leave him. He held the door open for her and ushered her through, Thalia following behind him, aware that the next time he'd see Heero would be on a table, making him look like he wasn't dead.</p>
<hr/><p>In the lobby was one Preventer Agent Chang, hovering over by the information desk. Duo was the first to notice him.</p><p>“How is he?”</p><p>Duo huffed. “What, no hello or how are ya or how you guys holdin’ up, Wufei?”</p><p>Duo saw Wufei’s glance from him to Relena and Thalia, knew Wufei was asking with his eyes, <em> How bad is it? </em></p><p>“He’s gone, ‘Fei.”</p><p>Wufei’s eyes widened enough to only be perceptible by someone who really knew him, before his composure kicked back in.</p><p>“Gone?” Disbelief was in his voice.</p><p>“Yeah. He died, Wufei. He’s gone.”</p><p>Duo swore he could hear a pin drop if someone actually dropped one.</p><p>“I agree,” Duo said, answering Wufei’s unspoken question, “that no one could’ve seen that one coming.” Duo folded his arms. “Tell who you gotta, but no pomp and bullshit. He’s not getting the ‘agent treatment’. Deserves better than to be paraded around like some kind of martyr.”</p><p>“I agree,” Wufei said. He looked at Relena again, pausing to study her before he saluted and left the hospital.</p><p>Less than an hour later, Duo’s phone wouldn’t stop buzzing with texts that all said the same thing.</p><p>
  <em> Heero Yuy is dead?! </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Mid-morning </em>
</p><p>Duo felt like he hadn’t slept in ages when in reality he’d only been awake for four hours. He took out his pack of Marlboro Lights, took one out to light up with the zippo he’d accidentally stolen from Heero eons ago, and took a long drag. He sat on the front steps of his porch and then stood up a few moments later, antsy and on edge as he stared at the number in his dialer app. After another long drag, he pushed the call button and pocketed the phone. It took a second for the ringing tone to pop up in his bluetooth earbud.</p><p>"Good morning, thank you for calling Maxwell Funeral Home, where every death is family. This is Ezra speaking, how may I assist you today?"</p><p>Duo couldn't be angry about how cheerful his son sounded when answering the phone, he taught him to be as pleasant and overly cheerful as possible in the hopes that it would assuage some of the sorrow in the one calling. (It helped. Sometimes.)</p><p>"Ez, it's your dad."</p><p>There was a brief silence on the phone, then, “You’re calling about Uncle Heero, aren’t you.”</p><p>Duo sighed. “Yeah, kiddo.” He paced the front walkway by his house and Heero's. Or, he guessed, it was Relena's house now, considering that morning's events. </p><p>“Dad, I--”</p><p>"Down at Bon Secours is the body of Uncle ‘Ro.” Duo wasn’t in the mood for condolences right now, not when he had shit to do before he could sit down and actually have a think about all that transpired. “I filled out all the necessary shit, so you can get him when we're done here. I--"</p><p>"Will we be using the other stylist then?"</p><p>Duo's brow furrowed as he nearly choked on his cigarette. "No. Absolutely not."</p><p>"Then who--"</p><p>"I said <em> I </em> was planning this, yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah, but--"</p><p>"I'm handling it. Don't trust no one else. Do you think you can handle it or do I gotta go back to Bon and pick him up myself?"</p><p>"N-No--I mean, yes, I can handle it, Dad. JT's here too, he can help me."</p><p>"One other thing, very important." Duo tossed his cigarette into the makeshift ashtray he kept on his front steps. "Unless it's arrangements from me or Aunt Relena directly, you don't listen to no one else, got it? Uncle ‘Ro was like me, he was a Preventer agent, one of the best, and they're gonna wanna try and strongarm us into some stupid pomp and circumstance BS. They might even say that Aunt Relena told them it was okay and they're passing the message on. Don't fall for it."</p><p>"Okay." There was a pause as he scribbled everything down. "A-Anything else?"</p><p>"No, that’s it." Duo paused to light another cigarette. "Think you got this? I think you got this.”</p><p>"Yes, Dad."</p><p>"Good. I'll be by later to start work, but until then..."</p><p>"Should we...close the parlour?"</p><p>Duo chewed on the filter a little bit. He did have that fresh-from-school new hire who could probably handle any funerals that needed to be done, but at the same time, she was about as green as they came, and he needed to watch her do her work before he could trust her on her own.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah let’s do that."</p><p>Duo took a seat on his front steps after ending the call, and smoked his cigarette until he was burning the filter before smothering it out and discarding it. He took out a third cigarette and put it to his lips, pausing with the lighter in hand, before he put it away. Duo wasn’t supposed to be smoking anymore.</p><p>“Eh, fuck it.” He took the cigarette back out again and lit it. “This one’s for you, babe.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Almost two decades ago I lost someone very important to me, and I was never really able to deal with it. This is me trying to wrestle with everything and put the thoughts and the feelings into words. I always told myself that Heero would never be a character I'd kill off, because of how much he means to me and what he symbolises in my life. I can't read any death fics with him in it (unless it's warned for, I ended up triggered by one that was not warned for at all!), and the one fic where I killed him off left me in a deep depression for weeks after. I didn't want to put myself through that again.</p>
<p>Here I am putting myself through that again. Because it's time that I do this.</p>
<p>I'm sorry for any and all feels I destroyed with this fic.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>